How We Survive a Long Distance Relationship With an Unconventional Age Gap

2.5 years (soon). Online. 7 year age gap.

I’m 25 and he is 18. That makes it a bit of an unconventional situation.

It’s not unheard of in reverse, but I don’t often hear about women dating teenagers, unless it’s an illegal situation that made the headlines. I could discuss why that might be, and you probably have your own theories, but I’ll leave that to a future post.

In this one, I will specifically discuss the long distance relationship aspect in conjunction with our age difference.

A long distance relationship is hard, people say. Some go as far as to call is impossible, but I disagree.

A few things that make our long distance relationship work:

Communication

This goes to all relationships. Without healthy communication, what is a long distance relationship? Can it work? I don’t know, because from the start, we’ve been making it top priority.

Almost every single day (with only a few days missed, due to external circumstances), we chat in our private discord server, usually for hours.

Our favourite conversation topic is our plans for the future. We talk about things we want to do together, how we want our place to be, how we want our honeymoon, etc. Even if it gets repetitive, we don’t get bored of it or each other.

If we disagree about something, we discuss it.

Consistency

This goes along with what I said above.

Being consistent means we don’t skip days without warning (unless the cause is beyond our control, such as WiFi troubles).

Attention and Presence

We show up, and we’re there. Even if we have other things to do, we’re still there and give each other the attention we have committed to.

Commitment and Faithfulness

When we started this relationship we made a commitment to each other and our plans together, which is marriage. To this day, we have stuck to it. In rainy days as much as in happy times.

Even if we’re annoyed or mad at each other, or emotionally affected by external circumstances, we don’t sway. Our goal of being together is more important than letting trifles lead to a fight.

We both dislike the notion of cheating, so we naturally don’t do that.

Respect

I don’t look down on him because he’s younger, and he doesn’t treat me like an “adult woman fetish”.

We treat each other as equals, and don’t have power battles.

Other aspects

Now, if you wonder about the sexual part of the equation, which appears to be one of the determining factors in relationships of this day…

We don’t do cam sex, or even sexting for that matter, but we do spend a lot of time discussing things such as poses we’d like to try. So in that sense, we’re keeping it pretty pure.

In spite of just having turned 16 at the start of our relationship, he has done really well in areas where I think the majority of teen guys would fail.

Where guys in general would fail.

He has listened to hours of me pouring out emotions, without complaining or showing disinterest, which I think most adult men couldn’t pull off.

That is not to say that he lacks integrity, because that he doesn’t. And I admire this about him, along with several other things.

He is supportive in anything I do, which encourages me to keep trying.

What I Try To Do

I don’t always succeed, but I try to be as reasonable as possible. I consider the fact that his communication style is different from mine and work around that. I also do, and have done over many years, research about various aspects of relationships and communication in general, in order to optimize the functioning of ours. I do think that it has made a difference, as it has enabled me to see things from angles that weren’t accessible before, as well as be more understanding.

As for his age, I don’t think about it a lot, but I do think about being a responsible adult. Sometimes, however, he seems to have a better hang of it than I do.

There are times when I wonder if I’m being irresponsible, but then I remember that not everyone needs to follow the standards set up by society. Age doesn’t determine maturity. I’ve met plenty of guys older than him that don’t measure up.

Then there’s the fact that I’m not the average 25 year old woman. My appearance is (I get told) that of an 18 year old, and I have to admit that I get the feeling that many teenagers have more maturity than I do in some ways.

Summary

These things are key in most relationships, but perhaps especially in long distance ones, because you know that if you fail to show up or don’t communicate in a healthy manner, it is very easy for the relationship to scatter or for the partners to drift apart. And unlike relationships where you are physically close to each other, it can be hard to reach the other person to apologize or clear up misunderstandings.

It doesn’t apply to everyone, as all people are unique, but I believe that most of the things I’ve listed are pretty universal.

Although we follow the things I mentioned above, I believe that one of the driving points in this relationship that makes us stick together is how we complement each other. From the moment we met, there was a magnetic force drawing us together, so strong that it broke through the barriers of distance and travelled across all of the space between us through the invisible thing called the internet.

As always, there is more to say, but this is what I can think of at this point. If I think of more things later I will write a new post, or update this one.

Thank you for reading. If you have questions or need advice, don’t hesitate to comment.

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