I Write In My Sleep + It’s Too Surreal

2nd time writing this post (the first time it somehow got deleted when I swiped my hand over the keyboard or something).

I started the last attempt with excusing the eventual clickbaitiness of the title. Is it clickbaity? Because I don’t technically get up and write in my sleep, but I do write, if that makes sense (it will later on).

So, I wrote about how I’ve been writing a lot this year, because my dad allowed me a few months to just focus on writing. I’m 25, but my parents are unconventional.

Whenever I do something a lot, I dream about it.

When I learned Chinese, I repeated the words from the day in my dreams and learned them faster. Same thing with Feng Shui, or anything else I was hyperfocused on.

The last few days, I’ve been writing a whole lot of blog posts (I have like 27 drafts, and I started this blog a few days ago — yeah, I don’t know what to say), so the narrative in my dream changes to a writing voice.

When I write fiction, I create a bunch of potential stories in my writing voice while dreaming, but now that I write blog posts, it’s just the general writing voice narrating potential blog posts.

I don’t necessarily remember what I’ve narrated when I wake up, but the whole thing is nice, because it allows me to improve my skills while I sleep 😂

Sometimes I just “think”, but other times it’s like narrating a movie. So it’s similar to regular dreams, except with the layover of a narrator saying everything that happens, and me being that narrator. So more like a morph of a book and movie.

If you’re a writer — do you get that? Tell me in the comments, I’m curious.

***

When you feel dumb beyond measure

When I woke up today, I began writing the first half of this post.

As I was doing that, I randomly saw today’s date and immediately had to change my plans for the day.

It’s already the October 7th? What?

The thing is, I have an exam today, and I almost missed it. It’s online and I can work on it all day, so that’s not a big deal.

The worst part is what came after…

If I may say so myself, I’m pretty smart and learn things quickly — except when it comes to academic stuff.

I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about how abstract it is that renders me unable to fully grasp the meaning of all those wordless nuances.

I had prepared myself enough, even read some of the texts twice. But it wasn’t enough. When I read the questions, I was dumbstruck.

I just don’t get it.

And that comes from someone who taught herself Japanese in middle school 😐

So I’m not dumb, objectively speaking. But I feel so inferior in this area of life that I’ve insisted on putting myself into. Why? Just why? Because that’s what people do.

**sigh**

At least the things I do understand come in handy in creating this blog and everything, but honestly, I wish I could just quit and not put myself through these things that make me feel like less of a person than literally everyone else.

Really, I feel like everyone has this secret thing they know and I don’t, and that’s what makes it feel so surreal right now. Because I know I’m not the dumbest person in the world, and yet I can’t help but come to this conclusion in situations like this.

Do you ever feel that way? Tell me in the comments, and let’s remind each other that we’re not dumb and sucky.

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