Finding love isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible, even in today’s world with so many options to choose from.
I’m not talking about settling, or mediocre love that you don’t feel deep in your soul, or the kind where you have to convince someone to be with you — that’s not what you want, is it?
It wasn’t what I wanted, and I didn’t give up until I found it.
Before finding my soulmate, I had already become cynical and stopped believing.
I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life alone.
But I didn’t.
I found my soulmate. Online.
But that wasn’t before spending lots and lots of time searching.
I spent years searching.
When I was 10 years old, I read my first romance novel, then another, then another…
Before that, I liked the romanticized Disney Princesses and Barbies just like any other little girl.
Dreams, in other words, a fantasy, became the goal of my life.
I wanted to find my soulmate.
So, at 10 years old I really got into it, but even my earliest years in life had seeds of the love-searching behaviour that would come to define my life.
After almost 13 years of actively searching, I finally found him.
I know that many people are going through the same experience that I did before finding him, and that’s why I want to help you to achieve the happiness that I have.
I don’t have any perfect formula, but these are some of the things that helped me:
Know What You Want
Before meeting J, I explored myself, what I want with my life and what kind of person I want to be with.
It was back in high school that I realized that the ideal guy for me is a Gemini with a Capricorn moon (I was into astrology), and that stuck with me through the years.
Guess what J is — a Gemini with a Capricorn moon!
In addition to that, his birthday number adds up to 8, which is also what I wanted.
You definitely don’t have to use numerology or astrology, and I didn’t even do it with the intention of attracting him — it was just something that defined for me what I wanted, based on the things that I had learned.
Also, I didn’t know that J was these things when my interest for him began to take shape.
You probably have a decent idea of what you want already, but if you’re anything like me and those things tend to change a lot, think about what sticks. What do some of the people you like or have liked have in common?
You also don’t need to write a list and burn it or something superstitious like that — unless that’s your thing.
The way I found out what I wanted wasn’t by thinking and thinking, it was simply through experience. So don’t think too hard about it. It will come when you’re ready.
What you can do:
- Get to know yourself.
- Analyze the common points between people you like/get along with.
- Accumulate experience by trial and error.
As you do that, work on step two — they’re intertwined.
Ever since I was a teenager, I spent so much time doing research online, but thinking back on it now, a lot of it was probably juvenile.
But a lot wasn’t.
I learned about relationships and how men think, communication, and stuff like that.
I’m not saying you have to read articles online about how men think, but all of those things prepared me to survive an age gap + long distance relationship with a teen guy.
You may not need to learn about the same things that I did, but chances are, what you feel driven to spend your time on will come in handy.
That probably applies to many things in life, because your experiences and actions and whatever you have in your head is what makes you.
Another thing that being ready includes, is to open yourself up. If you’re not letting yourself be vulnerable, you might miss him or her when they arrive, which is the next step.
Things to do:
- Go after your dreams — don’t hold back.
- Explore your emotional and vulnerable side.
- Quit doing things that don’t work for you.
When you have completed the first two steps to a sufficient extent (they’re never fully complete, for as long as you live), he or she will likely appear in your life when you least expect — I know, that’s so cliché, but it’s what happened to me.
Recognize It When It Arrives
You just know, right?
Rather than just knowing, it’s more of a pull that draws you towards them.
It’s very easy to miss or neglect if you’re too stoic with your emotions, and don’t let yourself be guided by your heart.
Your rational mind will probably tell you things that go against what your heart knows is right for you.
In my case, I fell for a 15 year old guy when I was 22.
Needless to say, my rational mind advised me against it, with all kinds of arguments.
Voices from the people in my past haunted me as well.
They said that I’m not worthy, that I can’t be loved — if someone shows an interest in me they must have a motive, and so on.
It didn’t help when I was told similar things in real time.
“He’s not serious.”
“He will hurt you.”
“He isn’t good.”
Those are the main things I was told, but I decided to go against rationality and the words of other people. For once, I decided to listen to my own intuition.
And it turned out to be the best thing I’ve ever done.
It wasn’t without struggle — mainly emotional (which you can read about here) — but the place where we are at this point, is amazing.
The way that I recognized it was both instantaneous and through time.
At first, I felt the above mentioned pull — an urge to communicate with him, as well as a sense of familiarity.
Then, as we kept talking more and more, it was just confirming over and over that we are right for each other.
If I had ignored that initial feeling, and listened to the voices of my past, I would’ve missed it.
Things to keep in mind
- Listen to your own intuition, not other people.
- Don’t use your past to predict the future.
- Know what you want — own it!
- Be ready — go after your dreams!
- Recognize it — fall in love without regrets.
It really doesn’t need to be more complicated than that, but each step may take A LOT of time — especially the first two. The last one can happen fairly quickly, though, so it could become a don’t-miss-the-train situation.
In other words, it’s not a quick process, but by being aware of it, you can possibly make it quicker, but as far as I know, it may just be up to fate.
Have you met your true love? Please share your story in the comments. I would love to hear it, but I also think that it would be nice to have something like that for comment-readers to scroll through for inspiration 💖