There are many possible answers to this question, so I will only talk about what true love is to me.
First of all, I should mention that I have met my true love. He is my 7 year younger “husband” with whom I’m currently in a long distance relationship, but soon to meet and marry IRL.
He is everything I wanted and just the best husband, even if we’re not legally married yet.
True Love Isn’t Easy
Duh! And it shouldn’t be!
It comes with a test, and it may be difficult to pass — like with prestigious universities or big companies.
This is why it’s important to study and be prepared, just like when you do the entrance exams for the above mentioned institutions.
I wrote a short guide about how you can go about preparing, but it’s just a general overview. Every situation is unique, but I believe that the common point is that the experiences that accumulate through following one’s heart is what results in the finding of one’s true love, by being ready.
The test can manifest in different ways, but for me it was emotional, and the opposition took the shape of voices from my past, as well as opinions from the present.
Luckily, I spent years obsessively learning and getting ready for my soulmate.
Is There A Right Time?
When we met, I had recently declared myself a lesbian, deciding that there was nothing in the male population that could possibly interest me anymore, so it was a weird time, for sure.
As for whether it was the right time, I don’t know!
We met just after I moved out of my parents’ place (for the second time) to study at a university across country.
It’s kind of funny, actually, that I ended up with the roommate I did. Because you know how they say that birds of a feather flocked together?
Well, my roommate always had her boyfriend over. It was so awkward, and I always kept in my room (we shared a 3 room apartment).
Not many days after moving there did I meet J, my “husband”.
We met in a game, so I suppose we were half ready. He was 15 and I was a 22 year old who falsely believed I was lesbian, so that makes sense.
We needed to prepare further, while getting to know each other on a soul level.
I’m not going to talk about the issue of souls, but for the most part, I do believe in them.
In a way, yes, it was the right time. It was just after I had completely given up, which reminds me of this quote that you’ve probably heard:
Yes, it’s cheesy, but I’m just retelling what happened.
Speaking of cheese — I had completely forgotten how immensely obsessed I used to be with love stories! I was a true hopeless romantic in my teens and earlier 20s, and that definitely wouldn’t have been the right time.
So purge yourself of anything you think might not serve your own love story, and you might be able to make “the right time” come faster.
While that doesn’t answer the question, I think that the answer is both yes and no, based on my experience.
How Do You Recognize It?
When true love comes, it’s sudden, but you may not notice right away.
In movies they say that you just know, but for me it was more of a pull that urged me to get closer to him.
He was 15, so I didn’t see it as anything romantic. I saw him as a funny 15 year old, but gradually it turned into more, which perplexed me a lot, but eventually I caved in.
So, the first thing I felt was that pull, and then a familiarity towards him, something that reminded of myself, and younger me.
After that I just noticed as we were talking that I really enjoyed it and could be myself, and that we worked really well together.
There were also things about him that I could tell had been foreshadowed in my past, such as his astrological profile.
Since high school, I knew that a Gemini with Capricorn moon was my perfect match, and that’s what he turned out to be, so that was a kind of foreshadowing.
However, keep in mind that I met other people with the same profile before him, and they weren’t my soulmates.
Will it last forever?
Completely up to you!
Like I said, it’s not easy.
Just because you have found your guy or girl, it doesn’t mean you will stay together automatically.
Consider when you buy a laptop you’ve always wanted, or even a car. While it’s not exactly the same thing, the amount of time in which they last both depend on how well you maintain them, just like a relationship. Or you can compare it with muscles, which require consistent exercise several times a week to stay in shape, and the better the shape, the more time is required.
A relationship requires high maintenance!
Me and J talk every day, for hours.
Everyone doesn’t have time for that, and that is understandable, but if you don’t have time for quantity, you need to focus extra on quality.
We constantly talk about our future together, and we basically do the same thing every day, so there isn’t even a need to be creative, unlike what many internet articles suggest — the important thing is consistency, and if you get bored of your everyday regular conversations, creativity probably won’t save you.
You’re in love with each other for who you are, not for the millions of ways in which you can get creative — that’s just procrastination from evaluating a problem that could be solved.
If you don’t get bored of each other, and always make sure to know where you both stand, you are probably safe.
True love is a decision
Ultimately, it’s all about whether you’re willing to commit time and energy into the relationship.
It’s about deciding that this is it and sticking to it.
Other people don’t stop existing just because you have found him or her. There will always be options, and you may or may not be aware of them, but it is up to you to recognize that they are fast food and what you have in your hand is a healthy and organic vegetable (sure, you can use eggplant as an example if you want).
It is up to you to determine whether your love is true or not, by deciding that it is.
OK, so what about stalking?
As long as it’s not illegal or bothering the other person, I don’t see why it can’t be counted as true love — just remember that it’s one sided (claiming that a celebrity loves you just because you love them doesn’t make it mutual; it’s a delusion, and you may or may not need to see a professional, depending on how severe it is).
Everyone stalks people online nowadays, so it’s no big deal. The important thing is not to go overboard or turn to illegal means — if they uploaded it publicly on Facebook or Instagram, it’s on them.
Is obsession true love?
Me and J are obsessed with each other and our relationship, so it’s totally fine.
However, make sure that it makes you happy. If you’re obsessing too much and are unhappy, step back and evaluate the situation.
Nowadays a lot of people don’t seem to appreciate obsession.
Maybe it’s part of the fear to open up and be vulnerable? Because what could make you more vulnerable than being obsessed with another person and open about it? They can have your heart in a grip and do whatever they want with it. But if they love you, they’ll treat it like the most fragile and exquisite glass figurine.
So you could say that, in a way, obsession is a true love test. If they are overwhelmed by it, they’re not the one — move on.
Obsession may be seen as unhealthy, but again, it’s all about how far you take it. As long as you keep it on a level that makes you happy, you’re fine.
Is it unconditional?
Sure. But be reasonable.
Thinking that you have to love them unconditionally may land you in bad situation. An abusive relationship is not good, and if that’s what you’re in, I advise you to drop the belief that it has to be unconditional.
Your well-being is important.
And what about fully accepting them?
Yes, but at the same time, encourage them to become a better version of themselves.
What are relationships, if not a means to grow in a way that we can’t alone?
Together, we are meant to support each other and help one another out in becoming better people.
In the beginning of our relationship, there was a time where I gave J a list of conditions. Not that he had to fulfill, but just clearing up what I can and cannot accept in a relationship, what I need in order to be happy.
Granted, a lot of people would take that list and leave, but to my surprise he went over the list point by point and we talked about it.
Every now and then, I ask him if there is something that I can do better in our relationship, so it’s a two way street.
My point is, don’t just accept. Challenge them. One of the things on the list, for example, was graduating high school (he was a dropout), so it can be encouraging them to do things like that.
It’s not complaining or giving them an ultimatum — it’s being clear about what you want, and it’s better to do that as early as possible.
But when it comes to who they are, their core and personality, of course you should accept it — isn’t that what you love them for?
True love is a process
It may start out as a crush, deep lust or intense infatuation, but what’s important is what it develops into — what you make it into.
The two of you (or 3+ if polygamous) are creating a picture together, and the canvas is your shared life.
When you get together, it’s blank, but with time you add more shapes and colours, until it ultimately becomes the greatest and most invaluable treasure of your life.
That is true love.
p.s. I asked my “husband” what true love is, and he said, wanting me there with him. It can be that simple.
What is true love to you? Tell me and the other readers in the comments, so we can have a cute little true love library down there 💜