When I first met J (my to-be husband), I was 22 and he 15 — I know 😱
We met online, in a game, and have been talking online since. As we haven’t met IRL yet, this post will be about the Long Distance Relationship experience.
Just to clarify, even though we met when we were 22 and 15, we didn’t get together until we were 23 and 16, so it was perfectly legal (not that we have done anything sexual, obviously).
In the beginning
It was hard.
The reason why is communication.
Differences in Communication
As you may know, the male species sometimes aren’t the most communicative creatures, especially not if they’re teenagers.
J is no exception.
I’m the type that gets bothered if someone doesn’t answer me right away while chatting — he often takes minutes.
While I interpreted that as a signal of disinterest in the beginning, I learned with time that sometimes he just doesn’t know what to say. It can be that simple.
Taking time to respond doesn’t equal disinterest, to the contrary of popular belief.
Before meeting him, I read a lot of guides on how to know if a guy likes you or how to get a guy to like you. While it was useful, a lot of it could’ve gotten in the way if I didn’t listen to his own words instead.
He showed me in other ways — and still does — that his interest in me was genuine, such as remembering the little things I say and showing up.
Another thing that our differences in communication led to, was frequent misunderstandings. I would always think that he wasn’t interested enough or paying attention, and would always complain, after which he would go silent.
Note: I’m immature for my age.
It took some time, but I eventually learned that my behaviour was what caused him to go silent, as he didn’t know what to say.
Other people’s opinions
The people who knew about us were all supportive. No one had anything bad to say about our age difference, which I found surprising.
However, certain people warned me about being too serious (including myself, to be honest).
“He’s just playing around“, they said.
I didn’t know whether that was true or not, but I decided to trust. And now, after almost 2.5 years, I believe that he has proven to me that he isn’t playing around.
He has proven his love to me
We talk every day, for hours, and he even listens to my emotional rants (which I feel bad about after). He does that without complaining, and I think many adult men would fail at this.
He always says that he wants me to be happy, which I am now, thanks to having him (which I tell him).
Sometimes, we still have differences in communication, but far fewer misunderstandings, and we’ve both evolved a lot since the early days.
It happens that one of us thinks that something is obvious, when it’s actually not, but we solve it quickly by asking questions.
He is probably Clueless
This is the #1 word describing him in the beginning of our relationship.
Take the cluelessness of guys in general and add teenager cluelessness to that. It’s a lot, but it’s manageable.
It came with many misunderstandings, but all were resolved.
Honestly, a lot of the time I feel like I’m the immature one in our relationship. Especially since in the beginning I created lots of unnecessary drama and stuff like that — I’m not proud of me back then, but at least I’ve improved a lot (thanks to the security of knowing he’s here to stay).
Of course there has been times when general adult things haven’t been obvious to him, but it hasn’t bothered me. I have mixed feelings about the rules of fitting into society, anyway.
He is responsible and thinks about job search and college, and recently passed for his driver’s license (I think). I myself neither have a job nor a driver’s license, but instead I’m at uni.
He’s still in High School
And that’s ok. I’m proud.
When we met he was a dropout, but he started going again because of me, and has been since.
In the beginning I told him that I would meet him IRL only if he graduated high school — I’m an adult, after all, I have to have some degree of responsibility.
Well, even though I said that, we’re now going to meet almost a half year before he graduates, but it’s because I trust that he will do so anyway.
At last we have come to this.
Yes, there is a lot of sex talk, I won’t deny that. I’d say it’s about 50% of our communication, but I don’t mind.
We don’t really do sexting or talk dirty (I don’t know how to do that), so it’s still pretty pure, considering the topic.
But yeah, he is a teen guy, so it’s on his mind A LOT. But it doesn’t bother me, and he does make sure to show me that it’s not the only thing on his mind.
I hear about guys always sending certain pics (you know what I mean), but I can’t relate, as I’ve never had that problem. J didn’t do it until gaining my permission.
Ever since the early days, he has always wanted to impregnate me.
In the beginning I said that I don’t want any kids, but now we’re planning 7. Because 7 is our number — we’re 7 years and 7 days apart in age.
The reason that I’ve changed my mind is that he opened me up and made me feel safe. I did use to want kids when I was younger, but changed my mind as I got bitter from the disappointing failures that was my non-existing love life.
Fear of abandonment
This is something I struggled a lot with, even before we met, which resulted in me closing myself off, to an extent.
Needless to say, it exacerbated after we met. But like it often is, things get worse before they get better, and this was a situation like that, meaning it got better, and now it’s pretty good.
Overcoming many triggering events along the way (bad wifi, late buses, etc.), I have gradually come to the realization that he will not abandon me. Every day isn’t perfect, but most days are good.
He has seen my worst and my best, and he has stayed.
I admire him
Most of the people I’ve known have had the opinion that I’m very — or even too — intense.
He never says bad things about me. All of my crazy sides, my emotional mess — he accepts it, and I love that it’s not too much for him.
No one should be too much for anyone, nor should anyone be too little. We are what we are for a reason, and it shouldn’t be frowned upon or judged.
I admire him for being more mature and patient with me than many grown ups would be.
I admire that he has stayed in high school because of me, and that he’s willing to find a job to make our dream life come true.
I admire him for always staying with me through everything and supporting me in everything I do.
We are perfect for each other in so many ways, and maybe a part of it is because of our age gap. I don’t know, but I’ve always connected more easily to younger people.
Even though he is a teenager and I’m an adult, it almost feels as if we’re the same age. In no means am I childish, nor is he, but we’re just on the same level somehow.
Is our relationship taboo?
I don’t think it is.
Nowadays, there are all kinds of relationships, so it seems like people don’t mind unconventional varieties as much as they would have just a few years ago. People have heard of everything.
There is also the fact that if we were seen together IRL, the only thing people would actually notice is out height difference (I’m tiny). As for age, they might even think he looks older.
So yeah, he is a teenager and I’m an adult, but that’s just our biological ages. When it comes to souls and whatnot, we’re at the same level, and that is what other people see.
However, I think that if an average woman my age were to date an average guy his age, it wouldn’t be the same thing, simply because the norm is for people to be at a certain stage at certain points in their lives. The same goes to long distance relationships.
As far as my understanding goes, long distance relationships are supposed to be hard. Some say impossible. But it’s working out fine for us, even with the age gap and different communication styles.
Why is it working for us?
Because we are who we are! Because of our experiences and everything that brought us together.
Soulmates, each other’s true love — call it what you want, but I can’t think of a better explanation.
It wouldn’t work out with any teen guy, or guy in general, and I definitely am not interested in other teenagers, if you ever wondered at any point in this article.
It’s simply because of who we are.
Our future plans
We spend a lot of time talking about our future together, and since I caved in to his constant talk about impregnating me, we are planning to make a honeymoon baby on the 5th of July next year (with success, hopefully).
In February next year (2020) I’m going to Canada to move in with him and his family. Well, technically I’ll only be a visitor in Canada, but we’ll be living together.
In July, we plan to get married, on the night of a full moon. Then we’ll have a simple honeymoon.
After that I’m applying for Permanent Residency in Canada, while continuing my online Master’s Degree program in Library and Information Science.
If everything goes as planned, we’ll have the honeymoon baby in March or so, and then we’ll go to Sweden, where I live, so I can do my opposition to finish my degree.
Then we’ll go back to Canada and live there. Hopefully it all foes smoothly.
Meanwhile, we plan to work on the blog (he doesn’t like writing, so that will mostly be me, but who knows), and create a vlog — partially for documenting memories, and partially as an accessory for this blog that will be our family empire (family blog).
I think that covers most of it, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask.
One of the purposes of this blog is to chronicle our life together, so I will write all about moving in together, what living together is like, immigrating to Canada, our wedding, baby, and so on.
If you are curious, feel free to stick around.
(Here is a guide on dating teenagers, if you are curious about that.)