Sometimes things trigger me. They’re not always bad things.
Lately, I’ve been working a lot on this blog, and while I love it, last night it made me emotional.
Not because of the blog per se, but because I felt guilty.
I felt bad for working on the blog and talking about the blog all the time to J (my future husband), and worried that he might feel neglected.
Of course I haven’t neglected him, because I’m good at multitasking (with these kinds of things, anyway). But I still feel guilty.
Last night, I told myself things such as:
“I’m the worst wife ever.”
“I should stop writing while chatting.”
But telling myself those things gets tiring. I’ve started things and given up quickly before, and I’m not doing it this time.
I won’t let my self critical words come in the way for living my dreams. That stuff is old.
I know I’m not a bad wife.
I will keep on writing whenever I feel like it.
Because most of the time, it makes me happy. It feels good to have created something of my own.
The dream that came into my head last night was weird.
I was at a university, and other students were promoting various clubs or things.
There were two guys trying to sell me super expensive mats made of silk. Of course I didn’t buy any. They thought I would be interested in a third guy that was on vacation, but I said I have a BF.
Then there was another group, who told me they had a seat saved especially for me. It was an elevated seat on some cushions on the back of a couch, making me feel important.
I’m not sure why they saved it for me, but they knew my name and said they had been told by someone to do it. Yeah, it does sound shady, or like the start of an anime.
At some point my thighs started bleeding. I remember it was by touching something lightly, but I don’t remember what. I tried to take pics of the blood and talked about how I often get cuts easily (true).
After a while the dream morphed a bit into a military situation, and at one point I was hiding in a tiny box, because I had entered a forbidden area and triggered all the military people to fire their guns.
As I was hiding in the ridiculously tiny box, I fell down a pile of stuff, and then I was hiding behind a rock, which I held up with two hands and one leg.
Around me was chaos.
I was a guy at that point, I think, and the female lead was played by Park Shin-hye (a korean actress), which was pretty random.
Anyway, she was one of the soldiers on my side (I wasn’t a soldier), and they were getting beat. I think she was about to get killed.
That’s when I gathered powers inside me. I took them from the outside, somehow, and while doing that, I thought about using them as a bomb, but when I unleashed them, all of the soldiers from the opposing team turned into dust.
They turned into dust!
I made them turn into dust.
So yeah, I was pretty powerful, even though I didn’t know it at first.
It’s pretty obvious what that dream means.
Things that come in small containers can sometimes be the most powerful of them all, and pulverize the opposition. It was kinda like Voldemort in the last Harry Potter movie 😂
I’m tiny, but I may be stronger than I think. The same goes to whoever is reading this — you’re probably stronger than you think. We all are. We’re all small compared to something.