Passport arrived, Cognitive difficulties & Karma

passport, ldr, long distance relationship

Listening to:

Latte ASMR

Yesterday I got my passport from the store. Yes, the grocery store.

Sweden is a weird country with a post system that sends packages to the post areas in grocery stores. Yep, they don’t even have their own little buildings or entrances.

Anyway, my passport wasn’t in a package, but it is an important document, and the post doesn’t put those in the mailbox, because, you know, someone could steal it. As if someone could use my passport. Certainly there are thieves around and in my house, but they’re not females with a height of 148.5 cm.

Does the passport include height? Nope, apparently not. My ID card does.

At least the photo turned out better than I thought. I kinda look like rich people in dramas, even though I didn’t bother to brush my hair.

So that’s a good thing. Passport = I can buy a plane ticket to Canada anytime. Just have to pick a day and do the dreadful task of telling my overprotective and old fashioned parents that I’m moving to Canada to live with my 18 year old future husband.

passport, ldr, long distance relationship
My hope for the future.

On another note, I’m trying to write an assignment for uni, and it makes me feel dumb. Not because I’ve written the same name in four different ways because I can’t remember it (twice in the same sentence…), but because the capacity of my brain doesn’t include the function understand the abstract nuances of academia.

As you can tell (I hope), I’m not a bad writer, but I’ve spent two hours writing 500 words while pushing through the barrier that is an empty brain.

Not that my brain is empty, but when I read the instructions for the assignment, there is nothing in it that can relate.

Usually I can recall things pretty easily and connect things together, but not this. For a long time I’ve suspected that something is wrong with my brain.

Selective focus? No. I do remember the things I’ve read in the literature, I just can’t apply it in the way that is expected of me.

When writing exams I always finish first, or at least close. It’s not because I’m extra smart and know all the answers, but because the answers I do know come right away. Thinking extra won’t usually lead to much. Either I know something or I don’t. Either I understand it or I don’t.

This 3000 word assignment that I could write in a couple of hours if it was fiction — why such a struggle?

Maybe they were right about the ASD. Apparently “children with Autism spectrum disorder typically do well on tasks involving immediate memory or visual skills, while tasks involving symbolic or abstract thinking are more difficult.”

I’m not a child, but I can relate. Just don’t know what to do about it, sadly.

I inhaled some bergamot essential oil (affiliate link) to feel better. It helped. I recommend it.

Within a few minutes, I’ve written as much blog post as I spend hours writing for the assignment.

Ah, the bitterness of life. Good thing I made date chocolate cookies yesterday, because I need plenty of sweetness as comp.

They don’t look perfect, and they’re not, but they have the right blend of ingredients.


Last night I thought about my past failed LDR. It wasn’t serious, but we met once IRL. He came to see me and I sent him home the next day, after sleeping in different rooms because I couldn’t stand being in the same room due to the awkwardness.

In my life, I’ve had several experiences that led me to believe in karma.

Putting the two together, we have a very bad potential situation. I couldn’t help but think last night, what if he gets disappointed in the real me when we meet at the airport? He says he won’t, and I mostly believe that’s true, but a part of me can’t let go of the worry.

Hopefully it will all turn out fine. I think it will. Either way, first I have to clear the hurdle of telling my parents, or lie with my terrible poker face. We’ll see how that goes.

Feeling the hunger calling in the depths of my stomach, I shall now go and get some of those cookies, then do something relaxing like watching drama.

I accidentally started watching one in which the female lead is 7 years older than the male lead, after deciding to save age gap romances to watch together, but it’s more about affairs than their relationship, so I went ahead and kept watching it anyway. Still, the irony (our age gap is 7 years). The name of it is Gisou Furin.

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