Writing is repeating stories in different versions. The same thing over and over, but with new characters and contexts.
In real life, the same things happen over and over again. A dysfunctional family repeats the same pattern throughout years and years until it ceases to exist — but the patterns move on to the next generation.
Can one stop it? Can one change the repetitions into something different? Sure. Why not? But if only one could do that to other people…
I have this theory that changing one’s own patterns is very difficult without entering a new environment. Not impossible, but the surrounding patterns work like gravity, and pull you in with tremendous force.
I am strong. I can fight it. I am fighting it.
The same goes with fiction. Trying to create something new, something that hasn’t been read before, but still doesn’t deviate from the reader’s expectations. Those are things I think about while writing.
There was a time where I wanted to be experimental, but since then I’ve realized that what I personally prefer to read or watch are stories that have a certain degree of predictability.
There has to be a balance between surprise and predictability, and that might be one of the most difficult things to achieve in writing.
A slow and melancholic day
The day began with my new thing, chia pudding, coupled with one of the raw bars I made yesterday. It was good, and the studying I did after went fine.
I didn’t feel motivated as I watched Love O2O (a chinese drama). Something was lacking.
Some days are like that. For no reason at all, low moods that don’t seem to respond to any attempts to bring them back up. Neither chocolate nor stretching works, it’s always a gamble. One thing can work miracles one day and have zero effect the next.
Why don’t I feel for my writing today? I was so excited yesterday, but today the words pass through a grey filter of despair, a longing for something tangible in a world where my love is oceans away.
Perhaps the reason is related to the disappointing editing, but probably not, as I felt the same before I started. It’s honestly the regular lows of living in this house, a morning where the first thing I heard after waking up was yet another bout of complaints to undeserving, good people.
Misery, but soon it will change. Not them, but my circumstances.
Keep or Cut
I read through and edited what I wrote yesterday. It was moderately interesting.
Chapter 2 has been about boring details, so far. Not sure if I should keep or toss.
On the one hand, I feel like my protagonist’s new friendship should be dedicated a part, but on the other hand it’s boring. Maybe it’s because I already know the details. I do feel like it would add depth to the world of the story, and context for the protagonist that is outside of the gaming world in which her other life takes place.
If I only wrote about what happened in the game, it wouldn’t accurately portray what happened. I want to show how she gradually sinks deeper and deeper into it.
First, she’s participating in real life activities, and that’s why I suppose the real life friendship is important, but later on she will distance herself from reality more and more as the game world increases in importance.
I’ve read somewhere to skip the boring details, but maybe there are times where they are crucial. Without them, it’s impossible to get an accurate look on how the character develops. But maybe I’ll shorten them.
I’ve only added a bit of conversation between the protagonist and her new friend, so I’m not sure if I can cut it down further. It might make it too shallow.
For now I’ll keep it.
In real life, I can’t choose to keep or cut certain aspects of my life that brings me down, but I can distance myself. Maybe that’s what I need with my story, too — for today.
Taking a Break
It’s important for writers to move around. Sitting still all day kills creativity and breeds stiff muscles.
So I took a stretching break, stretching middle splits with this video:
I’m glad I did that. It’s been a while since I stretched middle splits, and it was definitely good for the disaster area that is my lower back.
Amount of words written
At the time of writing this, I’ve written 6761 words, without counting cuts. I started 5 days ago, so it’s a modest pace for me, but I’ve written on the blog as well.
Inspiration hasn’t hit me, but I let my fingers type something anyway. I’ve heard that real writers don’t wait for inspiration, but rather than expressing it that way, I believe that the uninspired practice is what gives one the ability to best capture the inspiration in the moments when it does arrive.
Originally I intended to begin writing on the 1st November, for NaNoWriMo, but got too excited to wait. And yet the slowness of today.
Anticipation & Inspiration Search
Likely, the night will bring back my joy. Night and drama and raw bars. There is something about days that makes me depressed and something about nights that elevates my mood intensely — perhaps the fact that I get to talk to my long distance “husband” during the night.
For the first time since starting this blog, I went to seek other blogs, and while I found a couple of blogs that interested and inspired me, it wasn’t easy to find the realness I was searching for, and I would’ve liked a way to find bloggers around the same size as myself.
Well, I’ll keep searching.
Meanwhile, I’ll watch Love O2O, eat raw bars and wait for better times while chilling on my acupressure mat.