In February next year I’m moving to Canada, to be with my LDR lover. Well, not technically moving — my official status will be visitor, but we plan to get married and begin the process of changing that next summer.
Mostly I really look forward to it, but here are some of my concerns:
Used to being alone
There was a time where I shared a room with my sister, or didn’t think twice about sharing a room with a bunch of strangers at figure skating camps, but that was years ago.
Since then, I’ve been a solo traveler in life, guarding my own space like my dead Jack Russell protected the house from mice.
I’ve shared apartments, but not rooms. And the thought of doing that feels so weird, but I know I would get used to it quickly.
There’s also the aspect of talking.
Being alone, I barely even talk to people in real life. It’s annoying, having to open my mouth in order to convey what I want to say. Clearly, that’s the result of using my laptop to live, and not how I’ve always felt, so I can overcome that, too.
My main concern since I entered adult life? Possibly. Yeah.
There are times when I don’t worry, and times when I do. Right now, I’m neutral, but last night I felt like an incapable burden.
Thinking objectively about the reason why I felt that way (uni studies), I’ve come to realize that it’s not that bad. I only failed my assignment because I wrote the references wrong, as for the rest, I got positive comments. The exam that I failed(?), I’m not sure if I even failed it at all, or if it’s an error, because I got enough points.
Anyway, not to ramble too long about my studies, but they are my main and only source of “income”. While a part of that is loan, the interest is so small that it’s not a big deal, nor is it that much in total.
What I worry about is failing my studies and getting the funds (and loan) taken away — or worse, having to pay back immediately.
Obviously that won’t happen, but that doesn’t keep me from thinking about it.
Of course, this.
With the eTA, I get 6 months to spend in Canada, and if I’m lucky, I can extend it or exit Canada and go back for 6 more months, at which point it’s apparently up to other people whether I get 6 new months or not.
I won’t be able to even send in my PR (permanent resident) application until August, probably. So it’s all a bit of a tricky situation, but I feel like it will work out fine. If I can’t stay in Canada during all that time, we’ll just chill here in Sweden for a while, but hopefully it won’t come down to that.
And here we have the reason why I need money in the first place. Can’t immigrate without them.
Sure, the process could be sped up by marrying before July, but… I can’t imagine they regard a 20-something woman marrying a high school student in good light. Thus, waiting until after graduation. But also because of personal preferences.
I’ve seen animes titled something like “My wife is a high school student”, but I’m not intending to live that life (albeit in reverse).
The main reason why it’s July, however, is completely unrelated to that. It’s because of the full moon that night, as well as the date that resonates with me.
Telling my Parents
… who don’t even know I’m in a relationship in the first place, let alone a long distance one with an 18 year old.
They don’t like me taking walks outside of the house — that’s how overprotective they are. I’m 25.
A couple of years ago, I went on a cruise with my dad and little brother. If I needed to get something, I had to be escorted by my brother.
That is not to say I haven’t taken the opportunity to live, during the times in which I didn’t live with my parents. I’ve certainly done things that would shock the skin off them, but never told them.
This time, I have to tell them. Mainly because they’re always home, so they’d see if I left, and because they’ve called the cops for smaller things (not answering the phone while the battery was dead, on a school day. Yeah.)
Getting it written down
It does help. Not only does it bring clarity, but it also allows me to see things from a different angle.
So, conclusion (while being annoyed and distracted by my sister’s singing in the next room, rendering me incapable of hearing my own thoughts) — I worry a lot, but writing it down helps, and I hope my thoughts can be useful to other people as well.
Now, I’ll try to get some of those important studies done. There’s not a lot to do. My goal is to get it all done before Halloween, but all I have left to do is edit a paper and do some DDC (Dewey Decimal Classification) drills — meaning, I’ll have plenty of time left to do other things, such as writing.