Something about Soul Structure

In a previous post, I wrote about how my life was changed by using an acupressure mat, and while that is still true, I have discovered another important factor.

Translated as “smell of the horse”, the thing that contributes to my well-being is Ashwagandha, an adaptogen herb that lowers stress and anxiety.

Love-Hate Relationship

I started taking this supplement a few weeks ago, then stopped because it bothered my digestion.

When I started taking it, I noticed that my mood was getting better and my mind more clear. It helped with my anxiety and headaches.

Not right away, but gradually in the days that followed stopping I started sinking into my old ways — feeling discouraged and general low mood, as well as higher anxiety.

Yeah, it sucks, because now I know that I need these supplements or else everything feels pointless (sorry for the cynicism, but it tastes so bad).

Tasting bad or not, I literally just drank some of it, and it had immediate effect. Mixed feelings about that — I don’t want to be dependent on external factors for my happiness.

What Ashwadangha does to me

Like I mentioned above, it makes me feel better immediately, but also more and more when taking it every day. It…

  • Lowers anxiety (a lot)
  • Lowers stress
  • Lowers depression (slightly)
  • Lowers blood sugar
  • Heightens motivation

Powder vs Pills

I’ve been taking them in powder form, which I don’t recommend. It tastes worse the more you take it.

So I will try a capsule version (affiliate link) instead. It should be less gross…

In the end…

It’s all internal, isn’t it?

The fatigue is imagined, because why else would it suddenly drift away when a better mood arrives?

The slowness that drags me down is like a weight behind me, but when the evening comes a feather replaces it.

Why is that?

It doesn’t matter how much Ashwagandha I take, or how long I lay on my spike mat — my internal architecture is still the same.

How does one change the structure in which one is built?

My structure… is it the same as the one of everyone else? This is a question I asked myself a lot in my adolescent years, albeit in different words.

There’s something fundamentally different, something that has created a gap between me and other people.

A blessing

All downsides aside, there is one plus that conquers all the negative: it was the particular structure of my being that ended up being compatible with that of J’s.

We are similar in a fundamental way, while most people I meet are different.

Everyone feels this way

So I hear, but then why is it that I see most people interact in ways that are similar? Why is it that they understand things that I don’t? How can things that are so obvious to them be a struggle for me to grasp?

I know that many people feel this way, but I just can’t imagine that everyone does. Not to be excluding or say that I’ve had more difficulties in life than anyone else, but there’s something about these fundamental structures, still…

It’s worth thinking about, but likely won’t bring any answers.

It’s impossible to truly see the internal structure of people’s souls. You can sense them, sure, feel their aura, but the only way you can see them is through your own perception, and it’s not objective.

Seeing patterns to alter foundations

There are patterns everywhere; every person is a pattern, every thing is a pattern.

If you see them, I believe that you can be them; if you see them, you can then go on to understand them.

When you understand them, you can embody them; by embodying the patterns around you, you rebuild yourself.

It is how we were built when we were young, and it is how we can change yourself.

The secret is paying attention to the right patterns. What you see is what you learn. What you don’t see — how can you learn it?


I learned this term a few years ago when doing research about spiritualism or something, whatever I was into.

The concept of unlearning is popular in Buddhism, and it means that you take the things that you have learned in your life, and reverse the process.

Because what is the value of the things that you have learned? What is the purpose of all the cluttered facts or events in your life that you don’t need in there?

Sherlock Holmes has a mind palace in which he stores only the information that he considers useful. You can do the same thing. I do it, for the most part.

Of course, it’s not a perfect system. There isn’t a button that you can just switch on and off. Our memories don’t come with delete buttons, and our brains don’t come with instruction manuals.

But what we can do is focus.

Zooming in

Whatever we zoom into is what becomes the thing that our life focuses on.

What we see is what we are, including what we see ahead in life.

If that is success, it’s more likely that the end result will be success, whichever form it takes.

For me, it means happiness and a fulfilled life — including, but not only, financially.

For you, that may mean something else.

What it is is irrelevant, the important thing is the focus.

For instance, I’m focused on this blog right now, and writing, so I’m more likely to be a successful writer or blogger than someone who doesn’t do that. If I instead focused on my Master’s degree program in Library and Information Science, I would be more likely to succeed in the academic world.


I believe that there are certain times in our lives when willpower can conquer everything.

For instance, I have tremendous willpower right now. It came from nowhere, but I know that it can lead me to a good place, because I felt the exact same way before I succeeded in love for the first time in my life.

There are certain moments when willpower comes for no apparent reason. You just know that you really want something, and I think that this is intuition doing hard work for you. It’s doing all that it can to keep you from being discouraged.

Success only needs to come once (per topic)

But it’s a habit. It’s not a thing that just happens.

What I mean is, the thing that is the ultimate thing that leads to your success only needs one instance.

I’ve had one successful love story in my life, and didn’t need more.

I’ve had 6 websites before this one, and they had about 0 readers, but the moment I published this one I got visitors and followers. Clearly it confused me, because it had never happened to me before, but again — it’s exactly what I felt when I went into the relationship with J, who will soon be my husband.

Now that my love life is successful, I’ve finally unlocked what I needed to move to the next level. Because sometimes it’s that simple. Sometimes there is something that needs to be unlocked before you can do certain things.

It’s like with games, you need all sorts of tools or keys or a certain number of orbs, or whatever — the point is, focus on the major thing that you want the most in that moment, but don’t mix it up with instant gratification, because that’s totally different.

It’s still a long term thing, not impulsive desires — although that can lead to very good results as well. Sometimes the most random and impulsive things turn out to be life changing events.

Observe your own structure

To be able to change the internal building that is your inner being, you need to know what it is. You need to understand what materials you are made of, in order to know how to alter anything.

If you go into it blindly you might come out with an even more unstable structure than whatever you started out with.


Maybe that’s why people have mentors.

Guides to lead you the right direction. It wouldn’t hurt to have one of those, but if you don’t, you can always create one.

It doesn’t have to take the shape of a person or higher self or anything like that, it can just be a combination of different people.

Nowadays, there are many smart people doing YouTube videos that can serve as mentors. Take a little bit from each one of them, but do it your way. Ignore what doesn’t work for you, but don’t dismiss important ingredients. You can’t make potato soup without potatoes.

Final words

If all this is nonsense, it’s because I make it up as I go. But I would like to think that it isn’t nonsense, because it comes right from my soul with almost no filter. Hope you found it useful.


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