Enjoying The View

Many things have changed recently. The whole world is shifting towards something better – on a person level, it’s changing even more.

Why? 

Many reasons. Among which are mainly…

  1. I couldn’t fulfill my plans this year because of Covid-19 (getting married, moving to Canada…).
  2. My house burned down (yes, the whole freaking building and my whole family is  now living on insurance money).

Quite an intense and unfortunate year, but I believe that new and better things will take shape in the ashes of what once was.

This year…

  • I quit university because I felt trapped in a way of living that I didn’t enjoy.
  • I self-published on Amazon for two months.
  • I got a job just days ago and am thinking of quitting it.

Don’t misunderstand, though. I have good reasons (for quitting the job).

The job in question is a telemarketing one with commission only, and the service they’re providing is something that people could easily get for free online–but let’s not discuss that.

My point is, if I’m going to spend my time on something which income potential is questionable, I should do something I care about. Selling someone else’s things is something that doesn’t resonate with me, and quite frankly makes me question the point of my whole existence.

What I want to do is to build something. I want a community, something I can nurture and care for.

It’s going to be based on health, wellbeing and fitness, and I will use this blog and a YouTube channel to build it.

It’s something I could call myself passionate about, and I think I’m ready. After 26 years of life and struggling, I’m ready to be a guiding light, or something like that. Maybe even a guiding darkness! (haha).

The fire that burned my house down is symbolising a new start, and it happened right before my birthday (coincidence much?). A tragedy that cut me loose from things I didn’t need.

In Feng Shui, the places where we live mean a lot. It’s where we spend our time, the energies we soak in all day and night (mainly night if you don’t work from home).

Our homes are where we rest and find ourselves. When that place is changed, we are forced to change our way and habits. We are forced to adapt and change.

I attracted 3 job opportunities after the house burned down, but I’m starting to think they were simply made to come as a lesson. One in which my values were reinforced. A stepping stone to something better.

Picking between them was never the issue–picking myself was. Well, myself and the people in the community I will build. 

It was about choosing a future for myself, and choosing a present. The future and present are but reflections of each other. The same thing in different dimensions. Unless you change the path.

Earning some extra money on Amazon, I learned that I can earn money on my own. It’s possible. So I now have the confidence to do the same thing here, and on YouTube. 

It’s not for money, though. It’s for being true to myself and following the path that resonates with me. 

If money alone was the issue, I would go for something easier and more secure.  

Speaking of secure – if there’s anything we’ve learned from Covid-19, it’s that nothing is secure.

My house burning down taught me that things can change in the flash of a moment. And things do change. 

Tragedies aren’t fun, but ultimately they are a way to grow. They are an opportunity to learn and apply your knowledge to something important.  

The world needs more importance. I mean, come on? How many of the jobs nowadays can be called important?

Doctors, nurses, electricians… some examples of useful jobs. But sales? A lot of the time they’re pushing something onto people, and I don’t like that (Not saying salespeople are bad, or that everything they do is useless).

I’m a minimalist. I want to encourage people not to buy excessive things and subscriptions, not try to persuade them into buying things they don’t really need so my boss can enjoy a vacation on the beach or a nice big house with a pool.

In a financial crisis, I would do it (I think). I would sell useless things and feel like I’m betraying myself. I don’t want to betray myself, and I don’t want anyone else to either.

In an ideal world, people would work less and enjoy life more. People wouldn’t have to take jobs they hate just to have food and a place to live. People wouldn’t have to sell their time and–many times–wellbeing.

We’re far away from the ideal world I’m speaking of, but I can’t help but hope that we can create it soon. I hope that everyone can live the way they want, and not be prisoners caught in a hamster wheel.

The title of this post says “Enjoying The View”, because that’s how I felt when the idea to write it came to me.

I was lost after imagining too many potential futures, and after being still and comtemplative for a long time (one day), I found clarity. I saw myself standing on a hill during a drive, having stopped the car and just enjoying the view for a moment.

Those moments are so important. We need rest and we need perspective, which we get each time we find ourselves and our position in life.

I may be on my way up, or forward, but every now and then, I remind myself to take breaks and look at the view. At what I’ve accomplished and regretted not doing. That way I find what I want and need to do with my life from then on.

I see clearly through what once was cloudy mist. Momentarily I know and understand. It’s temporary, because we always get lost again, and find our way, over and over again. It’s life.

No one can tell you what your path is. No one can show you. But I hope that I can serve as a guide. Maybe an advisor. I only know my way, but I’ve found that through listening to a variety of other people and trying out their way, you end up finding your own.

Through trial and error, we form the version of us that we ultimately want to become, or learn that the thing we imagined would be so great isn’t so good after all. 

Only through action do we move forward and find these little treasures. But if we only move without looking down or around ourselves,  we miss the things we don’t know we’re looking for. We miss the most important things – the joy of everyday life, little moments of love and peace, pure happiness…

Striving for something is a good thing, but making it your all, like so many experts and successful people want you to do, can be detrimental when there is literally no limit to how far we can go or how much we can work.

Set your own limits! It’s not laziness, it’s mindfulness. What is life if you never get to live it because you’re too busy working to live?

Find ways! It’s not easy. It can be, but most likely involves hard decisions and trials.

At this point, I’m not in a financially ideal position to forego the security of a “real job”, nor are my living circumstances perfect, but I intend to do my best to pave my way to the future I want. 

My house burned down less than a month ago, and while it was a tragedy (with no lives taken, thankfully), I feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Physical, emotional–the whole package!

Now, there are less extreme ways to change, but I think you get my point. Change is painful and forces itself upon you if it has to. It takes things, but you gain things back. One way or another. 

Oftentimes, they seem to come suddenly,  but in reality things were slowly building up and creating the stage for the shift to happen. 

Covid-19 wasn’t sudden, not really. My house burning down wasn’t sudden. On some level, these were things that cooked for a long time until they ripened. 

Little things. Small details. Everyday actions. You’ve heard it before, but that’s what truly matters. That’s what creates these big events that seemingly come out of nowhere. 

Ignoring things, looking the other way, believing it will be fine–these are things that could stand in your way to the life you want.

How can you create something good out of a bad situation?

People always talk about seeing the positive in things, but you don’t need that. At times, it can be rather tiring and just buying time – the truth always comes out. The pain you’re bandaging with positive thoughts always resurfaces. And you may just end up exhausted. 

It’s all about being rational. Mind, though, I’m speaking about what works for me. What works for you might be different. 

Anyway, by being rational you see the thing as it is, and you analyze. You don’t try to sugarcoat it or turn it into something it isn’t designed to “attract good things”.

By altering the reality you see, the real thing doesn’t change. There’s people around you who see it differently, and that’s something we should always consider.

In my case, there are people who are sadder about the house fire. People who lost more.

My mind’s equation tells me the fire is a positive thing overall. It rid me of things I didn’t need. But for some, the perspective is quite different. Always consider it, but don’t dwell. Just know that the world is a nuanced place, and one single person’s views doesn’t change the rest of the world, objectively. 

Call me a pessimist, and you’re right. But it’s not a bad thing. I grew up with someone who does the above – sees the world in a way that ends up hurting other people. It’s not desirable, and you have to be careful about how intensely you’re caught up in your own mindset.

Mindhop at times. See other people’s sides. Even if it brings you pain, I think it’s necessary to see things as they are to get a perspective and grounding in your own life. Just don’t dwell. See it and move on. Accept, or work towards bettering the situation.

You exist in a certain space, and knowing what that is helps you deal with it. Not hiding it away deep inside helps you get past it if it’s a painful thing. Bathe in the misery, then rise higher with the empowerment you receive from getting through it.

See everything, but block the bad energies out after gaining awareness of them. You need to know what it is to deal with it.

Like I said, there are many nuances, and this is merely a fraction of them.

Simply…

  • Know the world around you
  • Know yourself 
  • Set goals and be determined
  • Work towards your goals
  • Take breaks and repeat

It’s not a one way street, but it’s one way. 

Be brave and say no to things you don’t need. Declutter and see things you didn’t see before. 

There is a certain comfort in clutter, and you should take the time you need to rearrange it. It’s a life we’re talking about, not things.

When you have clutter in front of you, that’s what you see. That’s what you are, ultimately. 

When it’s too empty, you may feel empty. Find a good balance. Find a view that works for you. Baby steps if you want.

After the fire, I was homeless for the brief moment of just over a week. It was my biggest fear, but ended up not as bad as I thought (mainly because the insurance paid for the hotel).

My point is, things aren’t always as scary as you imagine. Things usually stay the same, in the end. Your mind adapts to anything. 

With that said, I still can’t bring myself to call people all day every day to sell things I don’t believe in. It may make me an immature chick who isn’t willing to do what it takes, or it may mean I’m brave enough not to take the path not made for me.

I’m either a coward or an adventurer. Needless to say, I see both of those perspectives. I feel insecure about my choices and abilities. I don’t feel brave. I feel like a coward running away from things I should do, because other people do it in a more capable way.

I feel incapable and inferior. As if I’m dragging behind everyone else. I feel dumb and unsmart, because I can’t do the same things that everyone else seem to do flawlessly, what I feel the world is expecting of me.

At the same time, I’m more independent than most. I’m made to go my own way, as I’ve been doing since childhood. I’ve never been a follower.

So? What’s so good about that? You’re not special! That’s the type of things I tell myself, and as a result I’m trapping myself more than necessary. 

But… turns out I don’t need to be special! I just need to do something. No one needs to be special, because everyone is just human. Moving particles made up of cells and water. We aren’t special. None of us. And isn’t that reassuring?

Calling someone–including yourself–special puts unnecessary pressure on them to keep up their specialness.

Don’t do that. We are all just different shaped lumps of cells and matter. 

What matters is action. Through action I gain confidence. Through action I build my life. Build me, the future I want, the life I need.

Through actions I find things. I find treasures in every corner I explore. Some are more useful, some carry a hidden meaning that isn’t unlocked until way later. But they’re all meaningful. Every little thing that I gain through action.

When my house burned, I had time to take out valuables and more. I left behind my old notebooks on purpose, deliberately letting my old negative thoughts burn up. Deliberately creating a new start. My intention was set then, and it hasn’t changed.

I thought getting a job would be a way for me to manifest a good life, but it didn’t take long to realize that it didn’t feel right. It felt off.  

When I follow my heart, it feels right. There is no security, but it always feels right. I’m the most proud of myself when I do that, and loathe it when I do what I think I should do because it’s the mainstream way.

It’s not necessarily a strength. This trait can just as easily be a weakness. It can be a hinder. But I intend to let it be a strength. 

I’m willing to work hard for things I care about, so I know for sure that I’m not lazy, and no one I know would ever call me that. I’m the girl who taught herself japanese and chinese! And while that was something to brag about once, there’s nothing special about it. I’m inferior when it comes to living a normal life, and beat myself up for it.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. No one is special. We’re all the same, but have different abilities. 

The view I see is neither about what’s ahead or behind me. Looking down from the middle or somewhere along the mountain path, I see distant nature, trees and houses. I see the sky and colors, something irrelevant to the place where I’m headed. 

It’s not me, nor is it not me. It’s mysteries and clarity. A wholesome image that perfectly captures all I need to see at this point in time. And I only see it if I look.

I can keep going, look ahead without ever stopping, or I can stay and take these comprehensive looks at the view, or even look at the other side of the road, where I might find forest paths. Unpaved paths, less secure paths, adventures. 

If I stay to explore, there is so much I can find that I would never even have thought of, and no matter what path I end up taking–the big road or the forest paths–I don’t know where I will end up. No one knows! No matter how carefully we plan, there are things we can’t possibly predict or count with.

No matter where we go or what we do, life is unpredictable and without security. There is fake security, yes. Temporarily things. Security blankets. All of which can turn anytime. Covid-19 certainly taught us that.

My house burned down and I can’t meet my lover right now, but I am determined to turn this year around. From the worst in my life, I intend to create the best. No one will create it for me, and the world certainly won’t. 

This is what I wish that everyone can do. I wish that everyone will find something to lift them up this year, and in turn lift the whole world up, into a place where we don’t need to spend our lives chasing things we don’t need doing things we don’t like.

As I mentioned before, I was lost after imagining too many futures. I stood at a crossroads where multiple paths could lead me anywhere. Then I paused to see clarity. But the truth is, we’re always at crossroads. 

Every single day, we make decisions. We choose how we live and who we are, not by our thoughts, but our actions. Our thoughts are just a guide, ideas, a potential push forward. They could just as easily be nothing. 

You could see the treasures, register them in your mind, and be satisfied there. You can see the paths and dwell forever about which one to choose, or you can pick any and just walk forward. 

You can enjoy the view forever, but the view is nothing without the trip. It doesn’t give you anything new–which may work for you! We don’t always have to move forward, or anywhere for that matter, but it’s fun. It’s nice to learn new things and develop yourself. Maybe it isn’t meaningful from a universal perspective, or maybe it is.

Moving forward on purpose isn’t necessary, but if you don’t do it, the universe has a way of pushing you to do it.

The universe seems to want people to follow their hearts and dreams, but also acts sadistically by making it difficult. 

I met my love (online), he lives across the globe. I was going to meet him and get married, Covid-19 came. I was going to quarantine to avoid getting the virus, my house burned up. You get the point. 

Things always get in your way, but they’re not necessarily road blocks. Sometimes, they’re cones that guide you away from crashing.

Sometimes, the bad things lead to something better. So take a look at the view, take it in and see what the universe is offering you. Be picky and wise is your decision, but do foolish things at the same time. Live. Do. Feel.

Rest and Enjoy the View.

Last night I had a strange dream. I was in a fusion of my old house and a school building, and people were lining up outside to find shelter. Scary big dogs were swarming in, and I gathered all the food I could to lock myself inside a secret safe space. I don’t know why all those people wanted to find shelter inside, but as usual I was doing the selfish thing of thinking about myself first. Protecting myself before the masses. Hoarding as much food as possible for myself. 

While I want to guide people and help them find their path, this side of me will probably never change. In a crisis, I will always save myself first. It doesn’t make me a bad person, nor does it make me good. At times I’ve wished that I had the ability to be more compassionate, but like I said, we all have different abilities. Being rational and analytical is some of mine, as is being intuitive.

Many times I’ve told myself that I can’t do this type of thing, because I don’t have that power in me. Because I’m too selfish and don’t have enough empathy. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s ok to be the way I am. Maybe it’s a good thing. It should be, because I can’t be anything I’m not. No matter how much I try, I can only be who I am. And yet, this is what I want to do. There must be some kind of meaning in it.

I guess we will find out.

If you find any of my ideas and thoughts useful, feel free to follow me for more. I will try to post weekly, in this format. Tell me, though, if you like the length of it.

P.s. If you are following me from before and wonder where my old content went, I simply wanted a fresh start with that too. It’s been ages since I posted anything anyway. I hope you don’t mind.

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