Unlearn The Lessons

I’ve been taught that I should just accept fate and give up. I was taught that the things I want will happen as long as I sit around and think about it; money never ends, and yet we never had it in abundance. 

I grew up around self-deprecating negativity, as well as toxic positivity. I learned that I don’t need to do things I don’t want. 

Some things are too heavy or difficult for me, so I shouldn’t do them. I’m a woman – women don’t lift heavy or go places alone. 

It’s ok to use other people’s money and put them in debt. As long as you do the laundry every now and then, clean the house half-heartedly in a way that could potentially destroy it, and cook with too much salt when needed.

It’s ok to never strive for anything better, and dwell on the negativity of all things. After all, success only comes to other people. We only get bad luck.

It’s ok to lash out and talk down to people, as long as you always think you’re right, no matter how wrong you are. Never admit wrongs. Never talk back, unless you want a screaming lecture.

Never do what you want, but be told that you can do whatever you want, in a genuine, and therefore, confusing, way.

Never fight for what you want; accept fate and give up your dreams and wishes. Because that’s your position in life. 

She doesn’t like it, so you can’t do it.

Wow. Simply wow.

Lately, I’ve come to see things from a different perspective. Watching homestead/farm vloggers on YouTube, I’ve seen positive mindsets, I’ve seen people who don’t give up and find solutions instead (without getting excessively annoyed when things don’t work), I’ve seen happy people who keep trying, because they know they can do it.

It’s refreshing. I’m not used to it, but I want to be. I want that to be my normal, what I see in real life.

While I know that’s impossible for my family (you can’t change other people), it’s what I will (and do) strive for in my romantic relationship, and eventually with our own family. 

Parents aren’t Gods. They do many wrongs. Mine are at the crazy end of normal, but normal end of crazy. Not too bad, in other words, but not the best role models. I still live with them, and will for quite a while longer, so I think about this a lot.

I think about how to overcome the obstacles that they create, and have created throughout my life (without knowing it).

Attitudes are important, and it’s time that I consciously try to adopt new ways of thinking and seeing things. 

Being a farmer is messy. I’ve only just begun, but it doesn’t take much to learn that it’s not something you can do perfectly. It’s a thing where things going wrong is the rule, and you have to think around it, have a plan B, always find new solutions to things… maybe even more than with life in general. 

Getting upset every time something doesn’t go right is a waste of time. A better use is to find new solutions. Perhaps I should take this approach to my own problems…

Can it be applied to an unchanging, toxic person? What I mean is, can you use that mindset to get around them?

I don’t like bending to others’ will. It doesn’t feel right or good. It feels like betraying myself. And yet, it’s what I do a lot of the time. I have to find new solutions that don’t provoke tantrums. Not because I’m afraid, but because it affects other people than just me. One “wrong” step from me affects the whole family. 

I don’t want to be a pushover or a peacekeeper to a fault, but I can’t stand being a chaos maker either. Of course, I’d rather be the latter, any day. But some days, I lack energy. It takes a lot to constantly fight for what you want – especially when the game is rigged.

I keep thinking that everything will get better when my husband comes here. All the way from Canada. And while that may sound like wishful thinking, it might not be. After all, since when does having an ally not make things better?

It’s not a battle, but it feels like one. Untimely, the most strong-willed will win. 

I have more important battles to fight, though. My world is bigger than this family, and I can move beyond the status quo of our daily life.

For a long time, I’ve thought that certain things aren’t for me, that certain lifestyles aren’t for me. But why? Of course I can do anything! I can get anything!

If I wanna fly in a private jet one day, why can’t I? Of course, I probably wouldn’t if I have to pay for it, unless I have more money than I could possibly spend.

Maybe I should aim higher. Maybe I should aim to be a billionaire with her own private jet and thousands of acres. Why not?

The World is big. It’s there for me to explore. Pleasures are there for me to try. Comforts are there for me to indulge in.

Yes. From now on, I will think higher. I will strive for the stars. I’ll trash this unhealthy and limiting mindset I’ve been taught.

I will remember my worth, and not let anyone make me feel less. I will own property worth millions and millions of dollars, and why not a beach house as well? And, of course, a house in Japan. Or farm. I should own farms everywhere. 

No, I’m not manic or feeling grandiose. It’s rather that, if other people can do it, why can’t I? I wasn’t born into richness or anything, but I certainly have never fit into my family. You don’t have to be born into richness nowadays. All you need is the right mindset. Luck is something that has little help if you don’t know how to use it. With the wrong mindset, a wealthy person can lose all their money.

One day at a time, one step at a time, I will keep taking action towards my dreams. Our dreams.

I was taught not to take action, unless it’s impulsive action without thought and strategy put into it. Many things I’ve been taught in my life, but these are just a few. Perhaps next time, I should think of all the good things I’ve been taught.

What have you been taught in your life that sets you back? Anything can be changed, that is within yourself. Even reactions you can’t control, can be approached in a different way. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible. You’re not like if you don’t take the steps to eliminate these things, but you’re definitely strong if you do, and keep doing it no matter what. I can do it, and so can you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s