Setting The Tone

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, and I can tell you that it does make a difference. I started it almost like an experiment, to see if reading really made any difference in my life. (It did).

Though I haven’t read tons of books, the few I’ve read have really helped me figure some things out.

One thing is that I need to take charge more. I need to be ambitious and have integrity. Being polite is fine, but also having a personality – that’s how people connect with you. Lightheartedness is a welcome trait, as is confidence.

You can – and should – set the tone in communicating with other people, as well as in your own life. You simply guide things along. Guide the other person, the situation, into something favorable for you, preferably for both of you.

Oftentimes, the strongest personality gets to set the tone in communication. Or the bravest. I suppose a timid one can too, but it’ll be a dull, uninteresting one, the type that you have a hard time listening to because there are no nuances. Communication needs ups and downs, not monotony. It needs balance too, though. It’s not something I’ve mastered, not even close. But I came to think of it when I was at a seminar about regenerative agriculture last night. Some people were good at speaking, there was life in their words, faces and eyes. Passion. Their words I took in with ease. Some I had to concentrate more to distill meaning out of the monotonous words spoken with faces of the same energy. They were probably equally passionate, but less good at expressing it.

How do you express internal passion, when it doesn’t come naturally? I believe it does come naturally to all of us, we just forgot how to do it. Ever seen a kid that doesn’t brim with passion and excitement? To be fair, it does happen, but what I mean is that, generally, we express ourselves more passionately as kids. As adults, we tend to be more modest, doing our best to hide our inner wishes, both to ourselves and others. We feel ashamed for not being better people, when the power to be better lies in us, and a big part of it is expressing it.

I’ve also learned that things tend to come to the ones who ask for it, whether to the expense of others or not. My mother is such a person. She repeatedly empties my dad’s wallet without second thought or regret. It’s at the expense of his money, but she does get what she wants. 

I tend to feel bad about wanting things, or at least asking for them. Instead of asking for things, I hold back, so I don’t get what I want (unless it’s somethingI really want – then I can’t keep mouth shut). Of course, it’s not good to get it at others’ expense, but there may be more nuances than that. Parents, for instance, often readily give their children things, and it gives them joy, I believe, rather than negative emotions. Life is complicated, so instead of thinking about it, it’s best to just ask for things like a child (but perhaps without the crying and tantrums). In the worst case, you will get rejected. But the next time, you might not. Ask for things you want, and you might get them. Don’t ask, and you probably won’t.

I recently hatched a bunch of ducklings. Ten cute ones that now (temporarily) live in my room and peep and poop all day and night. If I hadn’t taken the brave step to ask for it (in this case, from myself), I wouldn’t have those little treasures. My wallet may be thinner, but my life is richer.

Aside from that, I’ve invested a small sum into my market garden. When I say small, I really mean small. It doesn’t even amount to 100 square meters, but it’s a start. Compared to where I was a year ago, when I had no clue about wanting to start a farm, I’ve gotten far. 

Speaking of the farm, if I hadn’t asked for it when we were buying a house, I wouldn’t currently live on one. You get what you ask for.

Anyway, that’s not really what this post is about. It’s about setting the tone. But I feel like all of the things I’ve mentioned above can help with that, as can new habits, things you say to people. Anything can set and change the tone of your life and relationships, for the better or worse. 

The one who sets the tone is the one who has the most power. Be that person. I’m going to be that person. Not for the sake of power play, but for the sake of owning my life.

However, that isn’t to say that you can’t let others set the tone every now and then. Don’t be an egomaniac, but don’t be a pushover. Balance is the most important thing.

In your life, you can set the tone by changing little things. Binging tv-shows is great (and I am guilty of it, although not as much as I used to), but the tone it brings to your life is a completely different one than doing something in real life; something that brings you closer to your dreams. It’s passive, not active. Too much yin.

Spending too much time in fantasies – your own or others’ – does increase your imagination (or does it stifle it?), but proactively working towards your goals gives your life meaning. We’re meant to be active most of the day, passive only when we need to recover (at night). At least that’s how I believe our souls feel the most nourished. 

You can set the tone by finding purpose.

Of course, if you don’t have a concrete goal, it may be hard to work towards it. Or so you may think. But actually, it’s easy. Finding it may take time, but searching is an easy task, as long as it is carried out without frustration and devaluation of yourself. The answer is there, but sometimes (or always) you have to stumble through darkness to find it. If you keep searching, you will find it.

The above paragraph especially is written from experience. I found love at 22 years of age, after obsessively searching for about 12 years. I found our family business, after first trying different things on my own in the search for my business venture, then for almost four years with my future husband. We knew we wanted a family business, just didn’t know what. I knew even before that that I didn’t wanna be employed. I didn’t want to sell my time.

I repeat, it took that long just to get to the starting line.

What we found was farming, and it happened in the midst of covid keeping us apart, as well as my house burning down. I now live on a farm and am in the process of creating our family farm business. 

Doing that, I’ve encountered many obstacles and learned many new things, and I’m nowhere close to mastering farming or business. 


And this but is a good one.

I’ve started being more conscious of the role of my willpower. My desire, my obsession. Yes, it truly needs to be an obsession. That is the secret, isn’t it? You need to be obsessed to achieve greatness and realize your dreams. You can’t just half-heartedly wish for it to happen. You can’t blame others, or assume that the successful ones had something you don’t. Those are excuses. You can get those things.

I can get those things. I can get anything I want, but at the same time I need to be deliberate about what that is. The vision needs to be clear, I have to see it as a reality. And I do. I truly feel that what I want is within my grasp. 

What is this thing I want, then?

Wealth, happiness, a big happy family. An amazing farm business, as well as other specific things within the Wealth category. 

Happiness I have achieved, and I am well on my way to a big happy family. Love isn’t on the list, because it is already such an ingrained part of me and my life. It is there to stay.

So, naturally, the next step is to desire wealth. Financial wealth. And even more naturally, I’ve started learning about finances and business, as well as working on my mindset. 

Doing these things, I find myself changing. The process is quite rapid. I truly adapt to seeing things a different way. But old habits do die hard, and it is hard to implement all the things in practice, when you get heated up about other people not seeing things your way.

When you change, the dynamics of your relationship should change, theoretically. And maybe it happens with time. I’m not there yet, but my process has only been going on for a bit over a month. Not expecting major changes in such a short time frame.

Nevertheless, I do hope that my transformation can gradually exit my mind and surface in real life. In my words and actions towards other people, as well as my journey to wealth and success. I know, I shouldn’t say hope. The fact that I did simply tells how deep the untangling needs to be of these relationship dynamics. It’s easy in theory, but not so much in practice. One day, I’ll get there.

One day, I will be rich and successful. As for when that is, I do not have a concrete plan, but with the new things I’m learning, the numbers and details get more and more clear. More and more realistic. I’m getting ready to take off from the start line and move into the race. Of course, I will set the tone for this race, along with my team members. We are the winners in our own, unique quest.

I’m setting the tone for my future. I set the tone in communicating with other people, instead of adapting to their ways, as I’ve done in the past. Not that it didn’t work, but it has come to my attention that maybe bringing ease to conversations by showing more of my own personality, or at least not a mirror or theirs, I could reap benefits. Potentially. I do think there’s a time and place for all the different nuances. Still, setting the tone shows integrity. It makes you bigger (I’m tiny, so I need that). It increases trust and friendliness (if people can’t read you, they get suspicious. Of course, you choose what they read). With some people, not all. So set the tone, but do so deliberately, in the exact right amount. 

As for the tone of your life, go for it with full force. You are your biggest hindrance and your biggest ally. You are the person it all depends upon, so don’t hold back if you don’t want to. I know I don’t. I want to dive right in and find all of the treasures, then level up to the next level and do the same thing there. And that’s what I will do.

I will get what I want, because I can. I will find my wealth and success, and if you don’t believe me, why not follow me and find out? I know you must be curious. 

Thank you for reading.

Jocelin Dawn  (I will from herein go by this name)

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