Where Have I Been?

I was supposed to write here every day for 77 days, but clearly, that didn’t happen. The reason is, I’ve been busy. With what? Well…

If you have read my previous posts, you know that I signed up for upwork, a freelancing platform. You may also know that upwork is littered by low paying jobs. I’m not talking minimum wage, I’m talking $3 an hour. Yes, I saw an ad for $3 an hour. And remember, upwork gets 20% of that.

Of course, I didn’t apply for a job like that, but the ones I did apply for – and got – are bad enough. 

For the past few days, I’ve been recording sentences, for $0.2 per sentence. It’s still reasonable, but it takes an hour or more to record 60 sentences, so it’s $12 an hour, at most. $9.6 when upwork has taken its share, and don’t get me started about taxes.

In my local currency, that translates to 81 sek. In comparison, I earned 120 sek an hour at a low wage job. And that was after a proportion of the taxes had been paid (social costs and whatnot).

In low income countries, the pay might be decent, but it’s nothing I can live on. I did write an article for $35 ($28 after upwork fee), but it was a 1500 word article, which would’ve given me $150 if the pay was reasonable. And that’s still pretty low, as per my understanding.

It’s more than nothing. But is that my worth? More than nothing. 

My fiance thinks I should keep doing it, because I’m not contributing otherwise. An unfair statement, but…

I’ve changed. Before I had my ducks, I would never have agreed on lowering myself to this level. But now I have my precious ducklings, and my instinct tells me to provide for them. My dignity tells me to run and do something better with my time.

My precious ones.

…….

My brother’s girlfriend is coming to visit today. Didn’t even know he had one. She’s staying for a few days. It’s exciting, but I’m jealous. My fiance is in Canada, and thus, he has never come to visit me. Neither have I gone to visit him, although I made an attempt once.

We’ll see how it goes. 

Is it good or bad that I’ve completed my first freelance writing job? I should be happy, but all I wanna do is take the money and rip it apart, because I’m not proud of how I got it. I’m not proud of selling my time, and I fear that if I do this enough, I will end up selling my whole being for a few petty pennies

Is it worth it? Is it worth setting my price this low? Working for free is better, when I work for myself, because then I’m at least making progress in something, even if I never really get anywhere. 

I fear what will become of me, and my relationship, if I keep doing this. But do I even have a choice?

Of course I have a choice. There’s always a choice. But what is the right one?

While I think about that, here’s a new video of my cute ducklings:

Thank you for reading.

Jocelin Dawn 

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